By nature, people are disinclined to receive admonishment from others. It is therefore essential, when one intends to offer counsel, to give careful consideration to both the timing and the emotional state of the one to be advised. Before proceeding, one must observe whether the person is in a state of readiness to receive guidance — for without such readiness, dissatisfaction and discord are sure to follow.
To admonish one who is gripped by hunger is to invite quarrel. To admonish one who is heavy with fatigue and drowsiness is equally to invite conflict. To admonish one who is suffering from illness, when their spirit is low and their composure diminished, is to risk friction and ill feeling. These are not trivial matters, but conditions that must be thoughtfully assessed before any counsel is offered.
Beyond timing and emotional state, one must also attend with great care to the tone of one’s voice. Should one inadvertently employ a tone that is overly stern or weighty, the counsel shall be received not as gentle guidance, but as a reprimand or lecture — and discord shall swiftly arise. Conversely, should one’s tone be too light or casual, the matter may be dismissed as mere jest, or worse, the recipient may come to feel that they are being scrutinized and found fault with — an impression equally to be avoided. The cultivation of an appropriate tone is therefore an indispensable element of the art of admonishment.
Furthermore, when one observes another engaged in conduct that appears, at first sight, to be mistaken, one must not hasten to admonish. Should one first enquire into the reasons and circumstances, it may well emerge that the person has, in fact, acted rightly. One must therefore seek out the causes and reasoning with diligence before offering any counsel whatsoever — for to admonish in error is no less a source of friction and discord than to admonish at the wrong moment.
October 13th, 2019
