The Art of Admonishment – Dhammakaya Foundation https://en.dhammakaya.net World Peace Through Inner Peace Sat, 27 Jun 2026 08:11:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://en.dhammakaya.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/cropped-DKF-site-icon-32x32.png The Art of Admonishment – Dhammakaya Foundation https://en.dhammakaya.net 32 32 Focusing on Flaws Does Not Mean Finding Fault https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/focusing-on-flaws-does-not-mean-finding-fault/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 08:11:18 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18625 The term focusing on one’s flaws is nowadays commonly understood to mean finding fault with others — but this is not its true meaning. Its full and original meaning is this: to set the mind in a state of loving kindness as a wholesome intention, and to look carefully so as to help another person emerge from their wrongdoing. For example, when a friend conducts themselves in a manner that is inappropriate, one looks carefully and then considers how to help that friend so that:

First, they will no longer cause themselves harm and distress through such conduct; and

Second, they will no longer cause distress to others.

Therefore, the term focusing on flaws in its original sense does not mean finding fault. Rather, it means to look carefully until one perceives the harmful consequences — and then, with a mind of loving kindness, to counsel, advise, and help correct — so that the person may be freed from the harm that would otherwise befall them: harm to their own wellbeing, harm to their character, harm to the collective, and the impediment it creates to their continuing to do good. The present-day understanding of focusing on one’s faults, however — that of finding fault and scrutinizing others — must not be conflated with the original meaning. The two must be kept entirely distinct.

April 18th, 2018

]]> What Causes a Nation to Prosper? https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/what-causes-a-nation-to-prosper/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 08:10:51 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18624 In certain countries, the people are genuinely committed to observing rules and regulations with great diligence. How have they trained their people to be this way? It is this: beyond observing the rules and regulations themselves, when they see others failing to do so, they also take it upon themselves to admonish and remind one another — without waiting for the police to intervene. They look out for one another with care and attentiveness in upholding the laws and regulations of the land. It is precisely this that causes their nation to prosper.

April 6th, 2015

]]> Using Criticism as an Instrument for Self-Examination https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/using-criticism-as-an-instrument-for-self-examination/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 08:10:22 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18623 The Lord Buddha gave this admonition to the bhikkhus: if anyone were to speak critically — whether of the Lord Buddha Himself, of oneself, or of the community — His counsel was this: do not be hasty in anger. Instead, examine and reflect promptly on whether one truly possesses the fault being alleged. If one does not, then one may be at ease and rejoice — regarding the criticism as a prompt that has caused one to pause and examine oneself. If one has not in fact committed the wrongdoing being alleged, one may take quiet satisfaction in that. This is the first point.

The second point: when what has been alleged is not true, and an opportunity arises to explain and help the other person understand that one is not as they have claimed — and that the truth of the matter is otherwise — if they are willing to listen, that is well and good. If they are unwilling to listen, and it is clear that they will not, then let the matter rest and maintain equanimity. Do not quarrel, and do not argue with them.

February 22nd, 2015

]]> Nothing Can Uplift the Spirit as Swiftly as the Spoken Word https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/nothing-can-uplift-the-spirit-as-swiftly-as-the-spoken-word/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 07:56:24 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18622 The elders and venerable ones have offered this reflection as a reminder for the cultivation of mindfulness: “When dwelling alone, guard well your thoughts; when dwelling among companions, guard well your words.”

Even speech that is well-intentioned, when offered without sufficient care and circumspection, may at times give rise to misunderstanding. How much more so, then, when words are spoken without refinement or grace — discord and friction shall arise with ease.

Should one fail to guard one’s speech, those who were once companions may be transformed into adversaries, and in the wake of such estrangement, suffering and mutual harm shall inevitably follow.

Let it therefore always be held in remembrance: “There is nothing that can inspire and uplift the human spirit as swiftly as the spoken word — and equally, there is nothing that can crush and diminish that same spirit as suddenly as the spoken word.”

It is for this very reason that the Perfectly Enlightened One, the Lord Buddha, gave this solemn admonishment: “One should utter only words that are beautiful and wholesome; one should never give voice to words that are base and harmful. Wholesome speech brings purpose and benefit to fulfilment, whilst one who utters harmful words shall come to suffer.”

From the book Siṅgālovāda Sutta (Phadet Tattajīvo), page 103

]]> Do Not Offer Counter-Counsel in the Same Moment https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/do-not-offer-counter-counsel-in-the-same-moment/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 07:55:54 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18621 When a companion comes to admonish us, and we find within ourselves a matter we have likewise been wishing to bring to their attention — let this be firmly held in mind: one must not return counsel for counsel in that very instant. To do so shall cause the other to perceive our words not as sincere and well-intentioned guidance, but as retaliation or as a deliberate seeking of fault in return.

Let there be a mindful interval before one offer counsel in return. Allow at the very least one or two nights to pass beforehand. Should the matter be of some urgency, even half an hour of patient restraint shall serve one far better than an immediate response. Only then, when the moment is composed and the atmosphere is clear, should one gently proceed.

October 13th, 2019

]]> It Is Out of Love That One Offers Counsel https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/it-is-out-of-love-that-one-offers-counsel/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 07:55:24 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18620 Whenever another comes to admonish us — whether their counsel proves to be well-founded or mistaken, or even when we have committed no wrong yet they have misunderstood our conduct and come to warn us nonetheless — let us look deeply into the heart of the one who admonishes, and reflect: “Were it not for love, they would not have spoken. It is precisely because they care that they have chosen to counsel.”

Whether the admonishment is mistaken or correct, let us look through to the intention within — and recognize that the one who offers counsel does so out of genuine care and affection for us. Therefore, let the first response always be one of gratitude. Only thereafter should one calmly and gently offer an explanation of one’s reasons and circumstances.

For should one respond with harsh or unwholesome words, those around us shall, in times to come, no longer dare to offer counsel — even in matters of the gravest danger, where one’s very life and welfare may be at stake, none shall venture to speak. This is a consequence to be guarded against with the utmost vigilance.

And even should one have offered a thorough and reasoned explanation, yet the other party remains unable to understand — one must still preserve one’s composure with grace, meet the moment with a gentle smile, and await a more suitable occasion to offer the explanation anew.

October 20th, 2019

]]> When Offering Counsel, One Must Attend to Both Timing and State of Mind https://en.dhammakaya.net/dhamma-102/when-offering-counsel-one-must-attend-to-both-timing-and-state-of-mind/ Sat, 27 Jun 2026 07:54:38 +0000 https://en.dhammakaya.net/?post_type=dhamma-102&p=18619 By nature, people are disinclined to receive admonishment from others. It is therefore essential, when one intends to offer counsel, to give careful consideration to both the timing and the emotional state of the one to be advised. Before proceeding, one must observe whether the person is in a state of readiness to receive guidance — for without such readiness, dissatisfaction and discord are sure to follow.

To admonish one who is gripped by hunger is to invite quarrel. To admonish one who is heavy with fatigue and drowsiness is equally to invite conflict. To admonish one who is suffering from illness, when their spirit is low and their composure diminished, is to risk friction and ill feeling. These are not trivial matters, but conditions that must be thoughtfully assessed before any counsel is offered.

Beyond timing and emotional state, one must also attend with great care to the tone of one’s voice. Should one inadvertently employ a tone that is overly stern or weighty, the counsel shall be received not as gentle guidance, but as a reprimand or lecture — and discord shall swiftly arise. Conversely, should one’s tone be too light or casual, the matter may be dismissed as mere jest, or worse, the recipient may come to feel that they are being scrutinized and found fault with — an impression equally to be avoided. The cultivation of an appropriate tone is therefore an indispensable element of the art of admonishment.

Furthermore, when one observes another engaged in conduct that appears, at first sight, to be mistaken, one must not hasten to admonish. Should one first enquire into the reasons and circumstances, it may well emerge that the person has, in fact, acted rightly. One must therefore seek out the causes and reasoning with diligence before offering any counsel whatsoever — for to admonish in error is no less a source of friction and discord than to admonish at the wrong moment.

October 13th, 2019

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